Shopping & Services

No, tiger mom, Junior doesn’t want piano lessons. He wants to record some beats for a killer hip-hop mixtape or tour the EDM circuit and make Avicii-level cash. The deals at Fort Lauderdale-based CMPS — $60-per-month mentoring, or $2,500 for a full music engineering and audio production course (check out the free trial first) — are pocket change compared to paying room and board at Full Sail. CMPS proprietor and super-nice guy Ed Unger explains that, more important than just learning how to use a specific piece of equipment or software, his students develop a deeper understanding of recording, mixing, and mastering that will stick with them even as technologies evolve. The full course is taught online over seven sessions. After an instructor helps students identify their goals and obstacles, they use their home computers to watch tutorials and record tracks. Instructors give homework, feedback, and troubleshooting advice. And because they also help students develop business plans, the course will come in handy even after Junior gives up his electronic dreams and opens that dermatology practice.

computerproducer.com

When future generations look back at 2015, they will no doubt label it “The Year of the Vape.” You can’t shop at Publix without looking four stores down and seeing some ironically named vape store next to the frozen yogurt place. VaporFi is different, however. Located in Sawgrass Mills Mall, Vapor-Fi is to vaping what Starbucks is to coffee. VaporFi allows customers to sit at a bar, try different flavors, and eventually choose a kit that suits their budgets and lifestyles. They have more than 30,000 flavor combinations to pick from. Looking to kick smoking cigarettes? If so, they have flavors that mock the taste of the bad stuff, so your body can’t tell the difference after a few pulls. They also have marshmallow and Raspberry Razz.

When you walk into Big Al’s, it’s quite obvious where you are — a tiny little Disney World of firearms. This basic box of a building has the best gun supplies you can find in the area and some of the hardest-to-find ammo. Whether a seasoned shooter or just starting out, you can rent, shoot, pawn, buy, or just look at an assortment of guns. But who wants to just look when there is a spacious range and so many firearms to try out? The store doubles as a pawn shop, which gives it a rustic feel and makes for an interesting atmosphere. That gently used skull ring is going to look badass on your pinky when you unload a few clips.

Getting tatted up is a pretty big decision. Unless you have the big bucks for removal surgery, what you get inked on your bod will be there forever. So, hot tip: Don’t tattoo “Gangnam Style!” Also: Make sure you choose the right place to get inked. The last thing you want to do is randomly pick a shop to have the face of your baby daughter tattooed on your back and she ends up looking like Goofy. Do your homework. You want a good artist, for the right price, and Dragon Lilly is the place to find both. At this shop, which started with an outpost in Rhode Island, artists take their time and give you ink you’ll be proud to show off for years. They don’t do piercings, but they do offer tattoo parties — and hosts who bring at least four paying friends get inked free.

Readers’ Choice: A Stroke of Genius

Twenty-five years ago, no one thought records would outlast cassettes and CDs, except maybe the proprietors of Radio-Active Records. While much music is now streamed, people still like things, and this store has shiny new and fashionably used music on vinyl (as well as on cassette and CD). You can spend hours searching for buried treasures or, if in a rush, ask the friendly clerk to point you in the right direction for an aural treat. Special events like in-store concerts and pizza-party signings when your favorite musicians are in town to play a gig will make you glad this place stays in business.

Readers’ Choice: Radio-Active Records

Everybody you know has the coffee table that took three hours to put together and the futon from the big box store. But shouldn’t you love the furniture you live on? That’s the pull of Adam’s Interiors, which draws its merchandise from designers around the world, offering customers a chance to get those sweet finds that typically only overpriced decorators get access to. The store is an exclusive dealer for many lines of furniture, including the plush “Stressless” collection of chairs, and “Adam’s Signature” line is unlike what you’ll find anywhere else. You can even tie a room together with the perfect rug by designing a custom one on the retail store’s website, which allows customers to select colors, material and size that match what you need. Now that you know this place exists, your living room is feeling a little dated, right?

When it comes to acquiring furniture second hand, you have only so many options. You can either scan Craigslist (judging a couch based on a thumbnail picture) or you can find a store that specializes in displaying gently used furniture that doesn’t look like it was just plucked out of the nearest dumpster. American Thrift is the place that provides customers with the latter, more appealing of these options. The store has a vast selection of used furniture displayed in such a way that you imagine it in your home, not on the curb after someone moved last week. It’s reminiscent of a reputable car dealership that has a huge stock of clean, inspected, approved-for-sale used cars — at a cost that will make you well aware as to why you decided not to buy new. At the Lauderhill location, expect to find friendly employees, like store manager Beatriz Bosio, who will happily help you select the piece that best fits your home, then help you get it there.

You’ve taken care of the hard part — you got the boat. Now, you need to find out Yacht’s Next. (Ha, a little boat supply store humor for you there!) Yacht Next is the place to go if you need anything boat-related — especially if you are looking to pimp your boat out properly. It provides customers with stylish, seaworthy interiors, custom outfitting, and employees who know their Sunbrella from their Naugahyde fabrics. From linens to tablecloths to accessories, pretty much everything is of the highest quality. Don’t skimp, skipper.

If you’re looking to go out fishing but you have no idea where to begin, you should start by making a stop on Federal Highway at Aces Bait and Tackle shop; it has pretty much anything and everything you might need out on the water. For more than a decade, Aces has stocked lures, rods and reels, hooks, sinkers, and polarized sunglasses. Just off the Hillsboro Inlet, Aces is on your way to the water. It offers professional spooling services and expert fishermen who can answer any questions you might have, so it’s the place to stop if you admittedly have no idea what you’re doing. On the other hand, if you’re an expert, it’s like a candy store — a candy store that sells live bait, including pilchards, live shrimp, live crabs, and even live pinfish, that will get the attention of the fish you’re looking to nab. Aces Bait and Tackle should be the first and only place you stop before you go out fishing.

When you’re shopping, it’s always nice to shun the big-box store and support the little guy… but when you’re about to drop a grand on a single item, you want to make sure you’ve considered your options. Enter Surf World: the little guy with the big selection. The team that runs this family-owned business has been known to brag that it has “more paddleboards in stock than all the other paddle shops in South Florida combined” (not to mention a killer selection of sandals and skateboards). The place sells all types of SUP equipment, from inflatables that you can stash in your studio apartment to specialty models for racing, plus a selection of board shorts to wear in the ocean and the waterproof video camera with which to capture your radical exploits. It also does sales, rentals, and lessons ($50 for a group lesson, $80 for a private), so you can go from knowing nothing to knowing everything in no time.

Fitness. Focus. Fun. That’s what you’ll get at Studio 4 Martial Arts, which is focused more on helping people develop excellent character and self-esteem and less on getting all “hi-yah!” on a stack of bricks. (Stay long enough, though, and you’ll learn cool tricks like that too.) The cool moms are opting out of soccer practice and instead bringing the tots here to the instructors, who instill respect, focus, and positive attitudes in kids — without costing their parents an arm and a leg. No contracts are required at Studio 4, so you’re free to check it out with no strings attached.

Looking to spark up a good old stogie? If so, Cigar Outlet might be a place you want to check out. This place has the lowest prices on the sticks or humidors around and plenty of selections to puff on. The best thing about Cigar Outlet is that it’s known for friendly salespeople who remember you from your last visit and ask you how you enjoyed your last choice of cigar. If no such enjoyment was had, they will tinker with your taste buds and find something that suits your preferences better. Cigar Outlet has repeat customers for a reason.

Hey, let’s be honest here — you can buy condoms anywhere; there is no need for some special trip if you want the basics. But basically, if you’re looking to do anything but the basics, Spice of Life is where you should be buying your condoms. Because while you’re at it, you can pick up custom play gear or themed lingerie — whatever you’re into, this place has it. The vast assortment of videos, lotions, potions, games, and books makes for a fun shopping experience that inevitably results in warming up the ol’ credit card… but your partner will thank you.

Family-owned and -operated, Majestic Car Wash has been keeping Fort Lauderdale’s whips nice and shiny for more than 20 years. They’ve been detailing cars since before GPS was a thing, back when the only talking car out there was KITT on Knight Rider. Majestic Car Wash offers everything from a basic exterior wash to a complete and total auto face-lift, and it does it all with speed and precision. Plus, it’s right next door to Best Buy, so you can shop around for computers and stuff while you wait for the patient professionals to fish the fossilized French fries out from between your seats.

It sure was nice of the Toyota dealer to whisper “Psst… what will cost you $1,000 here will run you under 300 bucks down the street” and scribble down this address. And it sure was nicer of the staff here to stick around to replace a catalytic converter at 4:45 on a Friday. If an auto parts store can be “charming,” it’s this one, its walls decorated with wood paneling, muffler parts, and grease, and the longtime owner, Doug Ketcham, behind the counter writing out receipts by hand, as he has for more than 30 years.

Investing in a car with a price tantamount to a (pre-bubble) mortgage isn’t a decision you want to make with any Slick Rick; it’s like getting married. So there’s a reason so many customers have said “I do” to Alpine Jaguar. This place earned the title of “#1 Jaguar Dealership in the World” in 2009, 2010, 2012, and 2013, and it took the top spot nationally in 2014. Go ahead, listen to that little devil on your shoulder when she’s whispering “There’s nothing stopping you” in your ear. And rest assured that after you take the leap, the five-star service department will coddle your new baby for years to come. Now, will that be a convertible or the coupe?

Readers’ Choice: JM Lexus

If Two& isn’t your favorite bicycle shop, it should be. Maybe you already have a favorite bicycle shop, where they charge you a fair price, custom-build you a bike, or craft a hybrid built from various components tailored to specific needs. They might even know the relative merits of fixed gear, freestyle, BMX, road, vintage, cyclocross, velodrome, freak bikes, urban, cruisers, and mountain bikes. But can they do all that and also pour you a beer? Two&, owned by husband-and-wife bicycle-loving team Elmo and Zoe Love, is a bike shop, a bar, and an all-around fun place to hang out. Maybe you’ve always loved cycling but have never found that special cycling someone to bike through life with. Maybe you haven’t owned a bicycle since you hit puberty, but hell, you could use a hobby and some new friends. Check out ongoing events such as World Music Fusion with JokerLive on Tuesdays and “Don’t Quit Your Day Job” open mic with Stu on Thursdays.

If Amy Bloom can help organize a marathon with 40,000 entrants, she sure as hell can organize your shindig. With a dose of Southern sweetness she developed in Atlanta, plus a get-it-done ethos she honed in Chicago, Bloom is now applying her mad event-planning skills to South Florida. She’s worked with a broad array of corporate and nonprofit clients and helped produce the iconic 101 Gay Weddings event in South Beach as soon as same-sex marriages began this year. Since then, she’s made gay weddings one of her specialties. (Though straights will def want to hire her too!) Ultra professional and impossible to rattle, Bloom can pull together any event, even when the flower-delivery truck gets a flat tire or the singer calls in sick. Pretty much all you have to do is show up.

amybloominc.com

Sorry, Jungle Queen, but Bluefoot Pirate Adventures has become the must-do attraction in Fort Lauderdale. Captain Black Sparrow meets families at the dock by Bahia Mar and hooks them up with pirate vests, face paint, eye patches, and swords. Then they hit the water for a cool trip down the Intracoastal Waterway, Sparrow narrating — and sneaking in some adult jokes — while a superfriendly lady pirate, Black Rose, entertains the kids. The fun of blasting water cannons is superseded only by blasting them at a terrible pirate who — surprise! — ambushes the ship in his own boat. The 90-minute ride goes by too quickly, but you can use the picnic tables under a tent for cutting birthday cake or walk across the street to Fort Lauderdale Beach, where a playground is conveniently located. If you’re stressing about whether to invite just a few people at $25 per or rent out the whole boat for your party, we say just bite the $600 bullet and fill ‘er up. Your kid will remember this one forever, and it’s amaaaazing how suddenly those aunts and uncles who dread kids’ birthday parties are suddenly clamoring to get on your guest list.

bluefootpirates.com

You know a business is good when its employees stick around for more than 30 years. Such is the case with Clearsight. Walk inside and you’ll be greeted by the same helpful staffers — and robust selection — year after year. From Moscot to Chanel, Silhouette to Oliver Peoples, Clearsight carries a stunning array of frames for every face and lenses in every hue. And if you ask, the friendly folks there will gladly give you their opinions on what suits you best. They’ve been perfecting styles since 1977, so you have every reason to listen. And in true South Florida fashion, they do custom prescription installations in dive masks and craft their own “fishing glasses” ($119) that keep the sun out of the sides. Eat your heart out, Warby Parker.

Need to buy a house, sell a house, or property-manage a house? This is your guy. It’s clear from his kind, twinkly-eyed, church-going demeanor that this is an honest gentleman who would never, ever rip you off. But also: Lurking inside those dad jeans is one fierce real-estate killer — calmer, more organized, and more brilliant a negotiator than your accountant and your lawyer put together. Title company screw up? Moffett will give it a stern talking-to. Confusion over a lien or deed? He will venture to the bowels of the courthouse and find just the document you need. Tenant weaseling out of paying the rent? Nein. No way. Ain’t happenin’. If you’re looking for the biggest real-estate deal in South Florida, it’s right here: paying this dude’s commission.

There was a time when yoga was exotic. It was something strange foreigners and dirty hippies did, bending their bodies into impossible poses. We have (for better or for worse) Americanized yoga. Studios are everywhere, and the sight of women carrying candy-colored yoga mats down the street barely turns a head. Those yoga pants, though… Bamboo Garden is a special place to get bendy, with its peaceful outdoor setting. As the name implies, out behind the studio you’ll find a beautiful garden with a covered wood deck where outdoor yoga and meditation classes take place. The studio offers an impressively wide variety of classes, from sunrise to sunset, from beginner vinyasa to advanced aerial yoga (where poses are done by positioning one’s body in loops of silken material that hang from the ceiling). Bamboo Garden also participates in the Connected Warrior project, which offers free yoga to veterans, service members, and their families. Spin classes, HIIT interval training, and boot camp are also on tap.

Readers’ Choice: Bikram Hot Yoga

Someone once said that the soul of a city is its bookstores. Well, odds are, someone at some point said something like that — and they weren’t wrong. Unfortunately, the independently owned bookstore has largely gone the way of the dodo bird, run into the ground by soulless big-box bookstores, and, of course, Amazon. But indie stores are not all gone, and the ones that have managed to hold on this long must be doing something very, very right. Big Apple Bookstore is one such establishment. Established in Oakland Park in 2005 and relocated to Fort Lauderdale in 2012, Big Apple is primarily a used-book store. While some local shops have survived by specializing (like Murder by the Beach in Delray), Big Apple has remained a generalist, offering fiction, romance, science fiction, children’s, self-help, business, etc., as well as CDs, DVDs, and even vinyl records. To top it off, everything in the store is $4 or less. A self-described “quaint” shop, Big Apple invites you to browse the aisles at your leisure. And it’s got to get those used items from somewhere, so it buys and accepts trade-ins, but always call ahead when you’ve got something to unload.

Readers’ Choice: Murder on the Beach Bookstore

Like bookstores, brick-and-mortar comic book stores are a dying breed. That’s why Zaldiva Comics is appreciated by so many avid comic-book collectors in South Florida. Zaldiva lets you sell comics, come in and buy new or used ones, or just browse the new releases every Wednesday. The shop is also a licensed auction house, so staff here can help you find a buyer for your old titles or list them on eBay. Zaldiva knows that comic-book collectors in 2015 are some of the most technologically savvy people around, so it offers numerous services to capitalize on this, including a grading service that helps you determine if your comic is salable. Comic-book collectors in South Florida can’t ask for much more.

A lot of sex happens here in South Florida, but apparently not enough. There’s a reason the Fuck Me Silly Masturbator ($502.39) exists. And a reason Rock Hard Love Stuff stocks ten varieties on its website. Inside its brick-and-mortar store, you’ll find a buttload of butt plugs and penis enlargers, plus more sex-positive toys for women who love women than any other store in South Florida that we’ve visited; trust us, we’ve looked. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for in Wilton Manors, the staff will source it from its sister store, Booby Trap Love Stuff. On the hunt for a clit cuddler? Rock Hard has you covered. Not sure what a clit cuddler is? That’s OK; neither are we. But ask and you shall receive a detailed sexplanation from the staff. And if you’re shy about showing up during daylight hours, Rock Hard Love Stuff never closes before midnight on Sundays through Thursdays and stays open until 3:30 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays. Go ahead, get freaky.

It’s not easy to find a men’s clothing store that isn’t built around suits and business wear. Not that bros don’t need to suit up every once in a while, but it’s hard to find stuff that’s not for work yet not from Old Navy-Macy-Penney’s. Women have endless boutiques filled with all kinds of unique threads that you can’t stumble upon at the mall. Men? We gotta search. The Archives is the solution to that problem. A quick rundown of requirements: Shirts and hats with logos stripped? Check. Boots, running shoes, and skate shoes in every color of the spectrum? Check. A sideways obsession with and stock of records and music equipment because it’s as important as clothing? Check. Ignore the references online to it being for hipsters. That word is meaningless now, and this place has stuff for everybody.

Readers’ Choice: Pink Slip Threads

Situated inside the stunning seaside W Fort Lauderdale hotel, the Store is the perfect place to stock up on all things beachy and beautiful. Treat your eyes to a pair of Thierry Lasry sunglasses ($495) and your boy to a pair of RVCA board shorts ($50). The Store stocks everything you’ll need for a day in the sand and a night on Las Olas, from brands like Parker, Botiker, and Finders Keepers. The inventory is expertly curated and captures everything we love about South Florida style. It’s chic, airy, and will make you look like a million bucks… without having to spend as much.

instagram.com/wstoreftl

You know that guy at work? You know the guy. He’s always wearing those kick-ass patterned polo shirts, flamingos or sports cars or croquet mallets. And then there are his T-shirts, throwback concert gear that’s not too torn up. And don’t get us started on his sock game. In total, guy’s closet selection is retro without being tacky. And when you finally ask where he grabs these choice pieces, what high-end boutique satisfies his luxe clothing requirements, he says: Out of the Closet in Wilton Manors. And you feel dumb. A thrift store! But think about it: Makes perfect sense. Chain stores don’t usually rise to the Best Of category, but this particular Out of the Closet does, because of its proximity to South Florida gay ground zero. Let’s face it: Gay dudes are great dressers. These great dressers, they buy new great clothes, and some of their older great clothes, they wind up at the local thrift store, where they can then outfit your own closet.

Readers’ Choice: A Stroke of Genius

It’s a struggle to pick a favorite Swap Shop vendor, considering the location’s labyrinthine size. It’s hard enough to see everything the place has to offer, let alone select the best from among the myriad booths filled with “I’m in Miami, Bitch” tourist towels, lingerie that you hope hasn’t been worn, lingerie you know has been worn, knives, golden Our Lady of Guadalupe watches, and coconuts guaranteed to cure your hangover. (Yes, we bought one of each.) But what makes Dr. Sound stand apart? The fact that, after four years, the window tinting ($140) you bought for your new ride will still be bubble-free and like-new. That’s the thing about some Swap Shop purchases: They’re fun for a minute but fall apart by the time you get home. Not so with Dr. Sound. They guarantee their work, and they’ll have your system and tints installed by the time you’ve finished that coconut.

Looking to spend money but don’t know what to buy? Know what you want but want a good deal? If so, take a chance at the Oakland Park Flea Market. Broward County’s longest-running flea market opened in 1972 and boasts more than 200 vendors selling everything from jewelry and shoes to cell phones and smoking accessories. It’s really kind of mind-blowing that you can find Michael Kors everything, get a haircut, grab a smoothie, and fill your pockets with candy before heading home. Skip its Facebook page, and don’t worry about checking out the deals listed on the website; just block off a day and bask in the glory of every kind of commerce imaginable. Actually, do plan ahead so you know the deals. Then you can bask and save time too.

It ain’t hard to spend money in West Palm Beach. The sprawling city is filled with luxury golf courses and fine-dining eateries. Hell, if you even look at the wrong thing for too long in West Palm Beach, you’ll wake up with a $10 peeping fee on your credit card the next day. But it’s not all bankruptcy waiting to happen in West Palm. The Palm Beach Outlets provide a pleasant alternative to the 1 percenter boutiques of the city. With stores including Banana Republic Factory Store, Calvin Klein, J. Crew Factory, and Steve Madden, you’ll be so shiny, you’ll have to pop into the Sunglass Hut to pick up a new pair of shades just so you can look in a mirror. We love outlet malls for the same reason we love buying candy on November 1. One can find the same quality product at much cheaper prices.

Readers’ Choice: Boca Town Center Mall

Homelessness was at the forefront in Fort Lauderdale this past year, what with the city enacting an ordinance that restricted people from sharing food with the homeless outdoors. Officials said the ordinance was put in place to make sure that public feeding of the homeless was sanitary, but the new rule blew up in their faces as an avalanche of national scorn buried the city, which was seen as discriminating against the needy. Enter Food Not Bombs, like Batman with a plate of food and love. As things got hairy, Food Not Bombs was there, calling the ordinance what it was: a “homeless hate law.” Members rallied angry citizens at City Hall, went on hunger strikes, and even sued the city. The group has held feedings every Friday at Stranahan Park for years — and probably will for years to come, stupid laws be damned.

foodnotbombs.net

Martin Ibarra is a mobile masseuse who is so talented with his hands, you might forget your name at the end of the session. Ibarra specializes in a gentler, meditative “Muscle Energy Technique” as well as deep-tissue and Swedish massages. So basically, he can deliver it hard, soft, or a little of both, whichever you prefer. At the end of the session, he’ll gladly offer tips and tricks for how to improve your posture during your day-to-day to keep those aches and pains gone for good. A half-hour massage starts at $60; one hour runs $100; a 90-minute trip to heaven will cost $150. For the convenience of having him come to your house and give you his undivided attention for an hour, it’s the best $100 you’ll spend on yourself all year.

martinsmassage.com

Tiffany Nail and Foot Spa delivers on the high-end promise of its Las Olas address. From the front door, it looks peaceful, designed to ease your mind. Most people who walk in are quick to notice that the red, black, and mostly white decor is detailed and clean and that the shop doesn’t reek of polish remover. This full-service spa offers full body massage, eyelash extensions, waxing, and alternative medicine such as acupuncture. There are grumpsters who will complain that it takes a million bucks to have a good time on Las Olas, but one trip here and just $45 later (the cost of a standard mani/pedi that includes a ten-minute reflexology massage), you’ll know they’re lying.

Readers’ Choice: Boca Raton Resort & Club

Every hour is happy hour at Pour and Polish Nail Salon and Wine Bar in Boca Raton. Choose from 16 bottle selections and sip on some wine while you get pampered. After ten visits, you’ll be sent home with a whole wine bottle as a reward for keeping your cuticles nice and pretty. Yet this upscale nail salon is not just about pouring and polishing; every nail technician is a unique artist with her own signature statements. Whether you want Minnie Mouse or a Monet on your nails, they can do it all. You’re not going to find better nail art anywhere else in South Florida — or a cleaner salon. And hey, if you are going to invest in some striking acrylics, you might as well be sipping a Pinot at the same time.

Readers’ Choice: Venitian Nail Spa

Unless you’ve opted to shave your head, what you do to your hair matters an awful lot. Which is why people search for stylists like Dice-K (real name: Daisuke Matsunaga), master stylist at Sha La La Salon. Though he started in Japan, Dice-K ended up in South Florida after putting in years working in New York. Bringing the attitude and expectations of the Lower East Side to Fort Lauderdale, the stylist has men and women willingly sitting in his chair for three hours, if that’s what it takes, while he works down to individual strands perfecting your ‘do. Call ahead for an appointment, and leave a few hours in your schedule. Both your time and your money will be well-spent.

Readers’ Choice: Incognito Hair Salon

AnnMarie Macko, an Irish-American belle from Michigan who’s more gorgeously known as “Retro Red,” is hell-bent on “making the world pretty, one pinup at a time,” as her mantra states. You don’t have to idolize Marilyn Monroe or Bettie Page to walk into her beauty shop at the Kreepy Tiki, but Macko believes everyone looks good with classic hair and makeup — go ahead and try it on! Macko has been practicing hairstyling since she was 3. She can dye yours, cut it, blow it, curl it, tease it… and then spray it so it lasts you for days. She also lives for makeovers, so try a whole new look with makeup, fashion pointers, and some good, old-fashioned lady advice. At this sweet stylist’s one-of-a-kind beauty shop, you’re never treated like just another stranger in a chair.

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

You forgot her birthday. Now what do you do?

You could make her a meal, or write her a book.

But you barely can read, and you simply can’t cook.

But wait, an idea just came to your mind!

Pop in The Notebook to buy you some time.

Get in the car, and step on the gas.

Head to Kathy’s Florist, and make it real fast!

Now get out your wallet and grab a bouquet,

and thank Kathy’s Florist for saving the day.

At the corner of NE Seventh Avenue and Dixie Highway sits a bright-orange building with a rough mural of the sun over the ocean’s horizon. You might be fooled and think it’s a day care or a finger-painted summer-camp wall, but the poster for 1800 Silver Tequila to its right will tell you that’s a tequila sunrise and that this place is for grownups only. In fact, that’s why they keep a bell on the door and buzz every customer in. Here you will find everything from Four Loko ($7.99) to IRU Vodka ($10.99) to four-packs of Nicki Minaj’s line of moscato ($9.49). They even have a cooler to chill their stock of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky, which comes in sizes ranging from “Sneaking at the Movies” to “She Dumped Me and Kept the Ring.” And if your dip in the Liquor Fountain leads to hangover hell, they also offer a wide selection of glassware and water pipes for your morning-after “tobacco.”

If you leave the Bahia Mar Marina on one of Sea Experience’s two boats, the journey will take you through the Intracoastal Waterway, along the mansions on Millionaire’s Row, through the inlet, and past Fort Lauderdale’s miles of gorgeous shoreline. That’s the kind of view you want before taking a look below through the glass-bottom boat and finally jumping in the water at one of a few carefully selected snorkel and dive spots. Staff make two trips daily to check out the three natural reef systems along our coast. A standard open-water dive course will run you $579. Sure, you could get certified for cheaper at a lesser shop, but this one comes with pool sessions, a full four dives, PADI certification, and instructors who can’t be beat. Most of the captains and instructors have been doing this for so long that the fish swim over to say hello as soon as the boat drops anchor. And we bet ya a million dollars the entire friendly crew would jump in and save you from any rabid manatees or attacking giant sea squids.

seaxp.com

During the 2014 midterm elections, medical marijuana fell short of hitting the required 60 percent in Florida by a lousy 2 percent. Two percent! That’s only, like, the size of the Sunday-afternoon crowd at the Swap Shop. But when the next round of voting rolls through Florida and medical marijuana is once again staring at us from our ballots, chances are it will pass. And when it does, will you be prepared? When Federal Highway is overflowing with bushels of Purple Haze and OG Kush, will you be busy trying to MacGyver a bong out of an apple, or will you be sitting back on your couch with some high-quality pieces courtesy of Puff Puff Pass? We hope, for you and your apple’s sake, that you hit up the colorfully graffitied shop some time before the next election. It’s always good to be prepared.

Readers’ Choice: Peace Pipe