It’s Wednesday afternoon, the day after Election Tuesday, and Florida is still lagging on declaring a winner between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.SORRY, YOU GUYS. Although Obama won reelection after gaining 303 electoral votes, Florida continues to Florida things up by not knowing the final tally just yet.(Because our governor…
Those vote tabulating machines are COMMUNISTS! As we predicted earlier today, Allen West is not going quietly. Even though the polls are closed, the ballots are counted, and the margin of victory for Patrick Murphy is outside any legal reason to require a recount, Allen West is demanding a recount. Specifically,…
The GOPers in the Florida Legislature put Amendment 6 on the ballot this year and were roundly told to eat a crap sandwich by Florida voters. Basically, voting YES on the amendment would have prohibited public funds for abortions, drastically limiting access to safe abortion care as well as limiting…
Donald Trump was a tad butthurt last night when it was announced that non-American-born Barack HUSSEIN Obama had won reelection. This, despite the world-shattering challenge Trump laid out for Obummer when he graciously offered a $5 million donation to charity if the so-called president released his college transcripts. See also:…
It’s a sad day for Commie hunters and fans of men who force their wives to have buttsex everywhere — and kind of a bittersweet morning for the Pulp this morning. Several sources are reporting that Allen West has lost his bid for reelection to Patrick Murphy for Florida’s 18th…
By 11 last night at the GOP “victory” party at the Palm Beach Kennel Club, it was all over but the shouting — and there hadn’t even been any shouting. The networks having called the show for Obama, all that remained were a few stragglers packing up bunting and party…
It’s almost 8 in the morning the day after the election and Florida still doesn’t have a winner in the presidential election. People were still voting around 2 o’clock this morning. Is anyone else embarrassed?I hope Gov. Rick Scott is. And I hope he — and his Republican majorities in…
Move over, Broward County. There’s a new sheriff in town. Al Lamberti lost his bid for reelection to Scott Israel as Broward sheriff. See also:- Al Lamberti Mystery Emailers Remind Voters of the Sheriff’s Shady Past Around 10:30 Tuesday night, with 100 percent of precincts reporting, Israel had a 53.31…
One of the major rules of party décor is that you show up to your own shindig. Just don’t tell that to Fort Lauderdale Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who skipped her victory bash last night for the national spotlight in Chicago.She left her supporters, dizzied with political victory, to feed…
Well. It’s here. The 2012 Election is, finally, coming to a slow and merciful end. Time to close the polls, tally the votes, and hope that Florida didn’t screw things up too badly. Keep it here as we update the winners, and losers, and tell you who’s President, who won…
Just before 8 p.m., as CNN was announcing that Romney took Kentucky and Obama took Vermont, a musician by the name of Billy Bones was delivering a wincing saxophone solo to a roughly 80-person crowd. “There’s a hidden place only two can find,” Mr. Bones wailed as his laptop computer provided a backbeat…
Radio blowfish blowhard Rush Limbaugh opened his face hole again and said that it’s pretty friggin obvious that Mitt Romney is going to win the election tonight. And not just win it, but win it by a landslide! Despite every single poll showing a tight race, Romney’s actually going to…
Election Day wouldn’t be complete without celebs taking to Twitter and letting us know what’s what. Particularly because so many of us were on the fence as to who we’d be voting for. I WILL NOT CAST MY VOTE UNTIL I’VE READ WHAT JOHN CUSACK’S TWEETS ABOUT MITT ROMNEY SAY.After…
The refrain at the Broward County Supervisor of Elections office goes something like this: We told voters everything they needed to know. It’s not our fault the lines were so long. We’ve been preaching absentee ballots for months. People knew everything they needed to. Believe us: They did. We did…
Nate Silver of Five Thirty Eight ran one last projection for Florida, and this is what he has: Our projected margin in Florida now Obama 49.797, Romney 49.775 YOINKS. So, naturally, Florida is prepared and ready to churn out a smooth election. And by “ready to churn out a smooth…
Broward Sheriff Al Lamberti is once again being challenged by North Bay Village Police Chief Scott Israel — the same candidate Lamberti defeated back in 2008. Much like in 2008, Israel’s beef is that Lamberti isn’t doing a good enough job cleaning crime off the streets in Broward. Lamberti says…
Looks like the GOPers are all ready to go with their postelection TALKING POINT in case their robot Mitt Romney should lose the election. Because the Benghazi SuperSecret Governmental Conspiracy Coverup of the 22nd Century thing hasn’t worked and because Romney’s supposed momentum has slowed some (MITTMENTUM!) and because every…
According to a recent New Times poll of Broward County psychics, there’s a general consensus among the spirits that Barack Obama will win a second presidential term over Mitt Romney. Though, as one of the three psychics we interviewed cautioned, “the cards are tight.” Indeed. There are apparently conflicting elemental…
Today I will not vote. I didn’t vote early or by absentee ballot either. I am 29 years old and have never voted. Worst of all, I can’t explain why. I’m not a political junkie, but I’m certainly not apathetic or undecided. My blood boiled when Mitt Romney made a joke…
As we gear up for another colossal clusterfuck big election day here in Florida, the polls, all eyes will be on how badly we fuck up this election things turn out in our key swing state on Tuesday. A few months ago, Florida polls gave Obama a modest lead, and…
A Bradenton Starbucks just got a whole lot classier last week, after a woman was arrested on Thursday for allegedly masturbating inside the coffee joint. According to the probable-cause affidavit, 29-year-old Jennifer Piranian was sitting in the lobby of a Bradenton Starbucks when she was seen pleasuring herself by several…
Commie Hunter, master conspiracy theorist, and Romance novelist Allen West went on Fox & Friends this morning and accused the Florida Democrats of “nefarious actions” when it comes to all this “asking for an extra day to vote in early voting” fiasco. “[I] think you’re starting to see some nefarious…
