Audio By Carbonatix
Monthly Statement*
$21.95 — Xfinity TV
$54.95 — Xfinity Performance Plus Internet
$6.12 — Digital starter (We have no idea what this does.)
$1.74 — State communications tax
$17.98 — Broward County corruption tax
$64.23 — Tax for electing Rick Scott
$11.13– FPL rate hike
$39.84 — Subsidy for first season of “Outsourced”
$79.81 — Alec Baldwin’s 401(k) plan
$99.99 — We have exclusive rights to air the Olympics until 2024
$7.04 — Lease for RCA modem made in 1993
$29.45 — Service fee for fixing broken modem
$19.99 — You weren’t home for the service appointment
$81.79 — We didn’t show up, either!
$31.54 — Your wireless router doesn’t work with our modem
$12.22 — Ant removal fee
$38.88 — Endless WSFL-TV reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond”
$41.30 — Somehow this goes to the GEO Group
$15.13 — You cheered for the Dallas Mavericks last night
$62.23 — HOA fee for your foreclosed neighbor, whose cable you are stealing
*inspired by the New Yorker
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