Florida High School Bans Backpacks After Supposed Bomb Threat

A bathroom wall at Wellington High School had a message scrawled on it which warned that a student or students would “blow up the school” this Friday. As a result, school administrators have banned backpacks and large purses from school grounds for the remainder of the school year. Police, meanwhile,…

Worker At Port of Palm Beach Dies in Barge Accident UPDATE

UPDATE: The original post to this story reported that that worker that was killed was a Port of Palm Beach employee. However, the man was working at the port, but was not a Port of Palm Beach employee.A man working at the Port of Palm Beach was killed in barge an…

Tow Truck Driver Pepper Sprayed a Baby, Arrested For Bribery

Tow truck driver Ronald Tyler lets nothing get in his way when it comes to towing illegally parked cars throughout Fort Lauderdale. Impossibly parked cars. Angry car owners. Babies. NOTHING. Tyler ran into one such baby when he tried to tow the one-year-old’s dad’s car. So he pepper sprayed the…

Jose Canseco Tweeted Out That He’s Been Accused of Rape

Jose Canseco, batshit former MLB player, steroid a aficionado and noted time traveler, took to Twitter today to announce that he had been charged with rape. The first tweet read as Canseco breaking the news to his own rape accusation, which is all kinds of mettamoron: “Breaking news this is…

Miami Won’t Be Hosting Super Bowl L

The Dolphins brain trust failed to get government funding to help renovate Sun Life Stadium. But that didn’t stop them from bringing it hard to the hoop to get the NFL to let them host what will be a milestone game — Super Bowl L (or, Super Bowl 50, for…

Florida Men Cannonball Onto Manatees, Post It On YouTube

A couple of Cocoa Beach yokels made the conscious decision to lure a mother manatee and her calf close to the water’s edge, and then cannonballed into them, because DERPY DERPY DERP IT’S HIGH LARIOUS. Then they posted the video of them slamming into the animals on the YouTube. Because this kind…

Flash Flood Warning Issued for Palm Beach County

It’s basically the Final Days of Noah outside right now, thanks to the rain that refuses to stop falling from the sky. The National Weather Service has issued a flash flood warning for east central Palm Beach County until 4 p.m. As of 1 this afternoon, about 2,300 FPL customers…

Chad Johnson Taken Into Custody For Probation Violation

Former Miami Dolphins wide receiver Chad Johnson, who had allegedly violated his probation earlier this month, was ordered back in jail on a token $1,000 bond by Broward County Judge Kathleen McHugh on Monday. Johnson will have a final violation of probation hearing on June 3. If he is found…

Florida Powerball Winner Still Hasn’t Come Forward

Someone in Florida won themselves a crapload of money when they guessed the right numbers for the record $590.5 million Powerball jackpot over the weekend. And that someone has yet to come forward to claim their prize. Apparently the winning ticket was purchased at a Publix in Zephyrhills, which up…