Did you play the numbers 8-19-27-28-30 in a Fantasy 5 lotto ticket back on July 30? Maybe left it in your jeans? In your glove compartment? Under your porn stash? Inside a shoe? In an empty coffee can? On a bus seat? In between the seats in your car with…

Mary Patricia Maloney, a seventh-grade science teacher at Palm Springs Middle School, was pulled over on Sunday after she hit another car and fled. The officer initially charged her with DUI, since she was not only allegedly driving drunk but crashed into another vehicle before fleeing the scene. Maloney tried…

Cops are on the lookout for a crafty Walgreens robber who very nearly foiled their search. Since police have highly scientific ways in which to track a thief down by means of obtaining fingerprints left at the scene of the crime, this robber thought ahead and brought himself a glove…

Ana Ovando, a 42-year-old West Palm Beach mother, was sentenced to 78 months in prison, followed by three years of supervised release, for using her kids in staged car crashes to make cash. Ovando used her five children — aged 3 to 17 — during three separate staged accidents that…

It’s official. The lionfish have arrived. While fishing off the Naples shoreline, an angler snagged a 16-pounder last week. The fish originally made its first appearance in the waters off the Florida Keys in 2009. Now, it appears to be spreading. Native to the Indian and Pacific oceans, lionfish have…

Thousands of people decided to spend their weekend standing in long lines at the Fort Lauderdale War Memorial that stretched out into the parking lot so they can look at guns and then buy them. The annual Suncoast Gun Show was held on Saturday and Sunday, and people came in…

The Florida Division of Alcoholic Beverages and Tobacco wanted to nab themselves a moonshiner. Because moonshiners are apparently still a thing in the 21st Century.  (This is Florida, after all) So they placed a fake ad on the most obvious place a moonshiner would look. Craigslist! “Looking for some strong moonshine,”…

Lisa Frink allegedly cut her boyfriend with a pair of knives because he didn’t want to give her his government assistance card to buy food. The cops were called in to quell the domestic disturbance. But when they tried to arrest Frink, she went into full defense mode. She did…

Shootings. Death. College professors spewing out conspiracy theories. People masturbating in coffee shops. There just aren’t ever enough good things to report ’round here. UNTIL NOW…

Amazing to think, but Floridians have been not winning the Florida Lottery for 25 years now. So, to commemorate a quarter of a century of billboards promising millions, and stops to the gas station for a few dozen quick picks purchases, the lottery is going all Miami Dolphins on us…

Newly minted Broward Sheriff Scott Israel isn’t screwing around. First he gets into office and starts firing people willy-nilly, and now this. Israel has suspended Broward Sheriff’s Officers Lt. Dave Benjamin and Det. Jeff Poole. The reason for the suspensions: The Scott Rothstein effect…

Something about Starbucks that makes Floridians want to uncontrollably play with themselves. Back in November, we told you about a woman who had been arrested in Bradenton for masturbating inside a Starbucks. Now comes the news that a man was arrested for exposing himself and touching himself inside a Osceola…

In a shocking twist to the James Tracy story comes the news that James Tracy isn’t backing down from his comments about Sandy Hook. “I think that the entire country mourned about Sandy Hook and yet, once again, the investigation that journalistic institutions should have actually carried out never took…

Alachua County deputies were responding to a crash of a trailer on I-75 over the weekend. A routine part of the job. What they didn’t realize was that the trailer involved in the crash was ripped open during the accident. And what poured out was a giant-ass bull that proceeded…

Remember when Donald Trump went on The YouTube and demanded Barack Huseeeeeein Obama release his college records to prove that a black man can not only be president of the United States but also a college graduate? In return, Trump promised to give money to a charity of Obama’s choice…

By now, pretty much everyone has seen, read about or has heard of Maria Louise Del Rosario, aka The Anus Tattoo Girl.Since the New Times broke her amazing journey of being a pioneer of getting one’s asshole tatted up, the internet has exploded (three million views in the first three…

In case you didn’t hear, AIG almost sued the government for $25 billion because their former Chief Executive, Maurice Greenberg, claimed that the terms of the $182 billion bailout wasn’t fair to AIG shareholders, even though the government literally saved the company’s ass from the brink of collapse during the…

Collier County deputies were called about a disturbance at around 2:00 a.m. by neighbors who say a woman was frantically knocking on doors with her 8-month-old son in her arms, saying she had been beaten by her boyfriend with a bunch of oranges. The reason her boyfriend allegedly pelted her…

Ft. Lauderdale resident Van Lawson Williams, 49, was convicted by a jury to five life terms in prison for sex trafficking of minors and attempted sex trafficking of a minor, following an October trial. According to federal prosecutors, Williams preyed on runaway girls between the ages of 12 and 16,…