When a ménage à trois ends with guns being fired into the ceiling, the SWAT team being called in, someone yelling, “Bitch, I’ll fucking kill you!” and someone getting Tasered, you’d have to assume that things went badly. Or maybe it went amazing.It’s all about point of view, really. According to…
Remember Linsanity? The New York Knicks point guard who took the world by storm because he came out of nowhere, and because the New York sports media are insane? Lin was hitting game-winning shots, putting up Steve Nash-like numbers and riding a wave of fan euphoria from America to China…
See also “Fort Lauderdale Proposes 2013 Budget; City Hall’s $300,000 Paint Job”Fort Lauderdale released its 2013-17 Community Investment Plan, a hulking document chock-full of expensive proposals. There are some noble and seemingly necessary ideas that could improve life in the city and give a much-needed boost to antiquated infrastructure. Then there are the…
Appearing as a guest at the Dolphins’ Touchdown Club luncheon today at Bokamper’s Bar and Grill, Dan Marino told Dolphins fans to chill with all the anger over the fact that the team sucks balls. These things take time. Like maybe 13 years, but still. “Be patient,” Marino told the…
Remember those Domino’s Pizza ads in which they were all sorry about their shitty pizza and promised to make things better? Well, one Vero Beach man ain’t buying it. According to a police report, a Domino’s Pizza deliveryman forgot to bring 48-year-old, 346-pound Robert Wheeler the garlic knots along with…
Mark Welch, from Volusia County, was reportedly tripping balls so hard from smoking synthetic weed on Sunday that he started to believe that whatever happened in his dreams was happening in real life. The 18-year-old told his family about it, but they didn’t believe him. Parents just don’t understand, bro. So, Welch decided…
Fed-up with rampant voter fraud and not gonna take it anymore? Tired of liberal activist judges playing footsie with the likes of ACORN and making a mockery of democracy? If so, here’s a novel solution: “If you are a legal gun owner in the state of Florida and you suspect…
New Times Broward-Palm Beach staff writer Chris Sweeney received an honorable mention last week in the National Press Foundation’s Evert Clark/Seth Payne contest, which rewards science writing from young journalists, for his article “Coral Capers”. According to the contest organizer: :”The Ev Clark judges don’t usually award an Honorable Mention…
According to a new poll conducted by Public Policy Polling (the PPP, y’all) after the RNC last week, 58 percent of 1,548 likely Florida voters polled said that Barack Obama gives better talk than Republican nominee Mitt Romney, who only got 32 percent favorability in the speeches department. The president…
“The urinal is too high,” says Douglas Schapiro, a pudgy lawyer dressed casually in a red polo shirt. He’s squished into the men’s room of Mi Fondita Mexicana Y Café in Hollywood fiddling with a measuring tape. “It has to be 17 inches from the floor. This is 24 inches.”From…
The sun rises, the sun sets, and Allen West says some ridiculously hyperbolic shit. It’s all part of the fabric of life, the universe, and everything. Speaking to a group of black Republicans last Wednesday at the RNC in Tampa, West opened his face hole and words came out to…
Time was, Rusty McKeithan could load up a truck with four or five dogs, grab his rifle, and set out into northern Florida’s Apalachicola National Forest to crawl on his hands and knees after black bears. McKeithan, 54, and his pals would drive along until the dogs caught scent of…
A Miramar man kept hearing a rattling noise coming from his AC unit. So he went outside to investigate the issue and ran into a bit of a problem. And by “problem,” we mean he accidentally stepped on one of the world’s deadliest serpents. And by “a bit,” we mean…
See also “Florida Sponges Rebounding; What Killed Them Remains a Mystery” and “Mystery Sponge-Killing Disease Now Seen From Palm Beach to Florida Keys”Earlier this year, giant red barrel sponges off the coast of Florida started dying. Scientists became concerned as reports of the disintegrating marine life rolled in from Palm…
We got several reports around 2:30 this afternoon of a gunman on Broward College’s Davie Campus. A spokesman for the school said he had been told of an “armed intruder somewhere on campus.”Turns out it was somebody pulling a gun during an argument in the parking lot.According to Davie PD…
Son of Sam had talking dogs. This guy has Steve Doocy. Lake Park resident David A. Kappheim, who is apparently obsessed with Fox News and the Republican Party, is in jail after he threatened to kill his liberal girlfriend. According to a police report, the 60-year-old Kappheim was involved in…
While we’re talking about old people doing whatever the fuck they want…The news stories were everywhere last summer: Harry Miller, a 103-year-old veteran with sparkling eyes and a warm smile, wanted nothing more than to be back onboard a Coast Guard ship for his birthday. The Coast Guard gave him…
Last week’s chaotic, tragicomic public debate at the Ross Jewish Community Center in West Boynton Beach — “Should Jews Vote for Obama or Romney?” — featured two distinct styles of advocacy for Jewish support of the GOP. One comes from delusional innocence, the other from calculated malevolence. Team Romney –…
Better get a candy lineup ready. Delvis Rodriguez-Ramos, a 21-year-old homeless man, was sentenced to 180 days in jail for stealing a Twix and a Snickers from an Ocala, Florida, store. The total price for both candies: $2. We’re not sure which is the bigger outrage here: the punishment, or…
See also: Voter purge havoc, good luck voting in FloridaRemember all those pesky voter-ID laws that state officials have been trying to enact? The embattled plan of Gov. Rick Scott to go through voter rolls with a fine-toothed chainsaw and excise anyone named Manuel Lopez*? All that was done in…
There was a lot speculation on who the big supersecret “surprise” speaker at the RNC would be. Would it be Sarah Palin? Tim Tebow? A hologram of Ronald Reagan? Perhaps a James Polk puppet? WRONG. Because, as it turns out, the big secret surprise guest that got all the GOPers…
A burglar was the victim of a 91-year-old woman when he tried to rob her house. Early in the morning on August 24, a man broke into the woman’s home in the 1300 block of SE 14th Street. As he rummaged through a nightstand, the old woman woke up and immediately…
