Florida High School Student Expelled Over Shooting Rumor

A high school student in northwest Florida was kicked out of school for essentially lying about how a gunman was going to come and shoot people at his school. Sometime last week, the Walton County High School student began a rumor that there was going to be a shooting at…

Miami Dolphins Might Move Out of Miami All the Way to… Palm Beach!

Ah the Miami Dolphins. They do everything exceptional. Draft exceptionally… sign free agents exceptionally… score exceptionally… win exceptionally, and have exceptional ideas to make Super Bowl weekend exceptional. And now they are excelling at pulling off the ole “You Didn’t Give Us Want We Want and Now the Team Might…

John Goodman’s Lawyers Don’t Want to Defend Him Anymore

Now that polo mogul John Goodman is all set to get a whole new trial because his lawyers masterly found a silly little loophole to navigate through to get him one, those very same lawyers have filed a motion to withdraw as his defenders. Attorneys Roy Black and Mark A.J…

Florida Man Blows Fingers Off With Homemade Bomb

James Minyard, 41, of Tampa never finished school, and wanted to start and finish a difficult job just to prove that he could. So, instead of learning how to play the guitar or taking up scuba diving, like most people would, he took up building homemade bombs. And then he…

Miami Dolphins Want To Have a Game on an Aircraft Carrier

Fresh off their rejection of trying to get public funding for their stadium renovations, the Miami Dolphins’ head honchos are preparing to make a bid to host a Super Bowl by presenting a winning idea: Having a football game played on a real-life Navy aircraft carrier! *high five!* According to…

Miami Heat Unleash Hell Fire Vengeance on Bulls in Game Two

O HAI WORLD CHAMPION MIAMI HEAT BASKETBALL After losing by seven to the Chicago Bulls and choking away Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals on Monday, the Heat decided to stuff all the Fucks they could find into giant garden-sized Glad bags, went into the American Airlines Arena for…

Mother’s Day: Florida’s Six Worst Moms

In case you’ve forgotten, Sunday is Mother’s Day. And while you might be scrambling to buy your mom $2 flowers from a gas station or getting her yet another Hallmark card with kittens on it from the CVS down the street (again!), maybe you want to remember that you have…

Erik Spoelstra Is Glad He Didn’t Win Coach of the Year

Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra did not win the 2013 NBA Coach of Year, coming in second in votes to Denver Nuggets coach George Karl. And that’s the way Spo wants it. “I was probably more pleased this morning than George Karl,” Spoelstra said when told Karl beat him…

Ex-Porn Star Math Tutor Suing Palm Beach School District

The awesomely named Dave Pounder, who once starred in porn flicks such as Bikini Banger and Cable Sex Guy, is suing the Palm Beach School District for removing three of his banners from schools advertising his math tutoring services. See also: -Olivia Sprauer, Boca Raton English Teacher, Fired for Being…

Donald Trump Being Sued by Former Members of His Jupiter Golf Club

Three former members of Donald Trump’s Trump National Golf Club are suing the Donald for not returning their refundable membership deposits. Trump bought the Jupiter resort last year, which was the Ritz-Carlton Golf Club & Spa, and promised to spend millions to renovate it. The three men say that they’re owed membership…

Miami Heat Chokes Away Game One Against Bulls

Well now. That was a bit rough. A depleted Chicago Bulls came into the American Airlines Arena for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals, saw fans clad in white, watched LeBron James receive his MVP trophy, and then went on to systematically bludgeon the world champs by having Joakim…